Counselling for fertility problems – when you might need it & the ‘here and now’ approach to know about

We won’t gloss over it, and you’ll know this all too well if you’re in the thick of it right now, too – fertility treatment can be a whole lot.

It brings much more with it than just the medical and procedural side of things. Think stress, decision-fatigue and the way it impacts your relationships and everyday life.

Having a support circle really matters, and for many people, that’s where fertility counselling can make a difference. We caught up with Linda Gillham, BSc Hons, PG Dip, MBACP Acc, SNCPS Acc, PTSTA C, part of the expert team at Fitzrovia Fertility in London, to find out how.

Fitzrovia Fertility has of some of the most experienced clinicians in the fertility field, offering personalised assessment and treatment options, plus excellent mental health support to match, to which Linda brings 20 years of knowledge and qualifications across the NHS, schools, charities, and private practice. She is also registered with BICA (British Infertility Counselling Association), the voluntary regulator for fertility counselling in the UK.

Together, we break down what fertility counselling actually is, how it’s different from general counselling, the moments where it could make a real difference for you, and how Fitzrovia Fertility’s approach stands out.

What is fertility counselling?

Fertility counselling gives you space to deal with the emotional and psychological impact of treatment.

It’s important to note from the get-go that it’s not about digging through your childhood or unpicking old trauma (unless that feels useful for you right now).

Instead, the focus is on the here and now, helping you cope with the pressures and decisions you’re facing during fertility problems, diagnosis or treatment.

Fertility counselling in the UK

In the UK, the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) requires anyone using donor eggs, sperm, or embryos to have at least one session with a fertility counsellor.

These sessions are there to give you and your partner (if you have one) a safe place to talk through important things like regulations, how donor conception works, and even how you might approach these conversations with a future child.

But fertility counselling isn’t only for those having donor treatment. You can use it to talk about anything weighing on you, whether that’s anxiety, relationship strain, work stress, or family pressures.

And unlike medical appointments, the counsellor isn’t there to decide if your treatment can go ahead. Their role is purely supportive, when you need it the most.

How is it different from general counselling?

General counselling often looks at your past and how it’s shaping your present. It might help you unpack long-standing beliefs or patterns that are affecting your mental health or relationships. Couples counselling, for example, often focuses on communication and conflict between partners.

Fertility counselling is more immediate. It’s tied to the treatment process and the emotions that come with it, whether that’s grief after a failed cycle, stress in the two-week wait, or the sheer overwhelm of decision-making.

It’s a safe place to catch your breath, get grounded, and find ways to manage the ups and downs.

When might you need fertility counselling?

There’s no one “right” moment to see a fertility counsellor.

Some people start before treatment even begins, when they’re feeling overloaded by options. Others book in when stress spikes – maybe in the middle of a cycle, after a difficult result, or during the (much dreaded) two week wait.

Through these moments, a counsellor can help you:

• process grief or disappointment
• manage anxiety and panic
• learn grounding techniques to steady your emotions
• feel less alone when things get overwhelming

It means, in practice, that you have someone in your corner who gets the challenges of fertility treatment, and is specifically trained and qualified to help you work through them.

Fertility counselling vs fertility coaching, explained

Both counselling and coaching can really help when approaching a diagnosis or treatment, but they’re not quite the same thing.

• Fertility counselling helps you process emotions like grief, anxiety, and stress. We focus on understanding what you’re going through and building resilience, sometimes in a required setting (like donor conception).
• Fertility coaching is more future-focused. It’s practical and goal-oriented, helping you manage lifestyle changes, navigate the medical system and keep moving towards your next steps.

You might find one approach works best for you, or that using both together gives you the balance of emotional and practical support you need.

What’s unique about Fitzrovia Fertility’s ‘here and now’ approach?

With expert fertility counselling alongside personalised, evidence based fertility care, your emotional wellbeing is looked after alongside your treatment at Fitzrovia Fertility.

The team brings Transactional Analysis (TA) into their fertility counselling sessions. It’s a therapy style that looks at patterns in your thoughts, emotions and relationships, and how to shift them in ways that make life easier.

In fertility treatment, TA can help you:

• spot unhelpful self-talk and replace it with compassion
• set boundaries with family, friends, or colleagues
• improve communication with your partner
• feel more confident and grounded when making decisions
• manage anxiety, stress, or uncertainty more effectively

It’s all about building up your resources in the immediate term so you feel stronger and more able to handle whatever comes next on your journey.

A fertility counsellor’s resource list

Speaking of resources – looking for an intro? We’ve pulled together a mix of practical advice, emotional support, and specialist guidance for different aspects of your journey, straight from Linda’s website.

• Making Friends with Fertility – a full and frank guide by fertility counsellor Tracey Sainsbury and author Sarah Rayner, supporting you through the highs and lows of getting pregnant, IVF, and assisted conception.
• Fertility Network UK – an incredibly supportive hub with resources, community, and information for anyone facing infertility.
• Nexys Fertility – tailored support and resources designed specifically for men navigating fertility challenges.
• Donor Conception Network – if you’re considering using a donor in your treatment, this is a great place to start.

Counselling for fertility problems, at a glance

Q: What is fertility counselling?

A: Fertility counselling is specialist support that helps you manage the immediate emotional and psychological impact of fertility treatment. It provides a safe space to talk about stress, anxiety, or difficult decisions during your journey.

Q: How is fertility counselling different from general counselling?

A: General counselling often explores past experiences and patterns. Fertility counselling is focused on the present, helping you cope with the challenges and emotions linked to fertility problems and treatment.

Q: When is the best time to see a fertility counsellor?

A: You can see a fertility counsellor at any stage — before starting treatment, during cycles, or afterwards. It can be especially helpful during stressful times such as the two-week wait, after a failed cycle, or when making big decisions.

Q: What does a fertility counsellor do?

A: A fertility counsellor offers confidential support and coping strategies. They do not decide whether your treatment can go ahead. Their role is to support your emotional wellbeing.

Q: Can I have counselling for fertility problems even if I’m not in treatment?

A: Yes. Fertility counselling is also really useful if you’re exploring your options, adjusting to a diagnosis, or simply need support around fertility problems.

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